يا كبار نحن لسنا كراتكم الصغار

أنا طفل رغم أنني أعتبر نفسي كبير ولكن من يهتم فأنا ما زلت في الرابعة من عمري ولا أملك حرية الاختيار، وجدت على هذه الأرض التي يسمونها كرة أرضية بدون سؤال، ولكنني جئت لسبب وحيد لا ذنب لي فيه وهو ارضاء لرغبات والدي.
أنا أحب أن ألعب بالكرة لأنها تطلقني لأركض والهو على هذه الكرة الكبيرة التي تحملني وتحمل العالم من حولي، الكرة التي تعطيني مساحة للعب أيضا عليها حدود، حدود وهمية، لم أخترها أنا بل اختارها من هم أكبر مني عمرا ويقولون انها تناسبني تماما! .. ولكن.. ما أدراهم بما يناسبني؟ أنا أعرف أن هناك اختلافات بين المخلوقات التي تشبهني والتي يسمونها البشر، وكل بشر له ما يناسبه فمثلا صديقتي أمال لا تحب أن تلعب بالكرة كما أحب أنا بل تعشق الدمى، وصديقي سلام يهوى الألعاب الالكترونية، كلنا نختلف ولكن رغم ذلك أنا وأمال وسلام ندرك ذلك ونحب بعضنا ونستمتع بالمشاركة بالألعاب، فهل يا ترى من جاء بي لهذه الكرة يعلم ما يناسبني؟ هل يحبني رغم اختلافي عنه؟
أود أن أجيب نفسي بنعم فأبواي يغمراناني بالحب رغم انهما يختلفان عني بالعمر ولكنهما لم يسألاني يوما عن الكرة التي أرغب، ربما يخافون من اختياري لكرة لا تناسب ما اختاراه لي، ربما لا تناسب لون المجتمع القاتم كما يعتبرانه؟ ولكن يقولون أن لوني وردي كأحلامي ألا يناسب لوني الوردي ذلك اللون القاتم؟ فما أدراني لم أرى يوما فلم يكن لي يوما حرية الاختيار.
أبواي؟ نعم انهما أبواي اللذان اعتنيا بي، اللذان أعطياني كل ما أريد من حب وحنان وألعاب وطعام وغيرها من الأشياء المادية وغير المادية… يختلفان؟.. لماذا أبواي يختلفان عن أبوا أمال؟ سألت مرة أبي لماذا لا يوجد لي أم كما لأمال؟ قال لي هل تعلم أنك محظوظ أكثر من أمال؟ لك أبوان رغم شكل جسميهما المتشابه فانهما يعطيانك كل ما تريد وهذا عدا أننا أبدا لن نحرمك من رؤية أمك البيولوجية، صمتٌّ لما في كلامه من منطق فأنا لي ثلاثة أباء وليس اثنان، ولكن هل سألني ان كنت أقبل؟ ان كنت أحب أن أعيش في منزل فيه أم؟ لربما تلك البشر تستطيع أن تعطيني شيء مختلف عما يعطياني هم.. لربما أنا مخطئ ولكن ما أدراني فأنا لست من اختار، ومتى أعطياني حرية الاختيار؟
ما أجمل أبواي أنا أفخر بهما أمام أمال وسلام في كل لقاء، دوما أفخر بأن لي أبوان كسرا قيود الكرة التي كان يسعى الى تكبيلها الغزاة المدعوون بالبشر، تقول لي أمال أن أبواها المختلفا الشكل أيضا ساعدا بكسر قيد فذاك اليوم ذهبت أمها مع بشر آخر يشبه أباها بالشكل وسألت أبيها عنه فقال لها أنه أيضا عمل مع امها على كسر قيد وأن أمها ستعود لأنها تحبهم وهو يحترم خيارات أمها فهو فعل ذلك من قبل، فرغم ما أخبرتني به أمال من ألم وحزن على فراق أمها لكنها فرحت بعودة أمها الى أبيها وكأن شيئا لم يحصل، وكم هي فخورة بوالديها لأنهما ساعدا أيضا في كسر قيد اخر للكرة.
اه يا سلام، سلام أيضا له قصته المشوقة لكسر ذلك القيد اللعين الذي عرفت انه كان يسمى بالقيد الديني.. دين؟ لا، أنا لا أعرف ما الدين لكنني سألت والدي عن ديني قال لي بالهوية أنت مسجل مسلم ويمكنك أن تختار، فركضت لأتباهى أمام سلام بمعرفتي الجديدة وبحق الاختيار، أخبرته بأن ديانتي هي الاسلام فغار مني سلام وذهب ليسأل أباه وأتى إلي بعد ذلك يقول أنا لا دين لي أنا سلام.
اه يا لها من كرة كبيرة ذات قيود كثيرة، كل من عليها يدعى بشر فأنا بشر ووالدي بشر وأمال وسلام بشر وحتى الغزاة الذين وضعوا تلك القيود بشر، كلنا بشر، فرغم اختلافاتنا كلنا بشر!
أحب كرتنا الكبيرة ولكن ما زلت أتساءل هل كانت أفضل قبل أن تكسر قليلا تلك القيود؟ هل أصبحت هي القيد ونحن كراتها الصغار؟ أجيب نفسي؟ أنا لا‘ لا أعلم ربما كان أفضل وربما الآن أفضل، أطلب؟ أنا لا أطلب الكثير بل أريد أن أعرف هل فكروا فينا عندما أعطوا لنفسهم حق الاختيار؟
بما أنه لم يكن لي يوما حق الاختيار فقط أقول تذكروا دائما يا كبار فكروا فينا فنحن لسنا كراتكم الصغار!

Credits of this post goes to ArabObserver again whose post challenged me to write down what I imagine a 4 years old child thoughts will be after breaking marriage ristrictions in our society.

Another review for Aroos Amman, by Mayyada

Thank you Mayyada for allowing me to share your review on Aroos Amman, and thank you Fadi Zaghmout for the good novel

Mayyada Marwan:

I’ve read the new novel “3aroos amman” yesterday, a touching display of the lives of young women we see all the time around us, a bold statement from a male write..ha..so men can really understand what’s going on inside the hearts and minds of women, I always believed that when it comes to business or a certain project they are capable of gathering all info and resources needed for that project to succeed , but when it comes to a relationship and understanding a girl’s mind; they are merely helpless ..How tragic..

All the characters in the story where vulnerable and mistreated , we all know that such people exist around us, they maybe our friends, sisters, our co-workers, or even ourselves, there is no way that we can’t relate to the sentiments of any of them, and inside of us we may collide a thing from one of all of them.

Women are very strong creatures, yet very fragile, they have their own way of adapting, of neglecting themselves to get pass by, and in our conservative society and closed way of thinking, we tend to blame, rather than UNDERSTAND, what we lack the most is understanding and acceptance of the OTHER,
In the cases of Hayat and Ali, they just wished for someone to talk to, someone to help,
In the case if Hayat, when she opened her heart to another woman, all she received were tears, we’ll never know how that woman thought of hayat in her mind, maybe she blamed her , thought she was the reason of provoking the feelings of the monster to attack her. But then Hayat tried to cure her wounds in her own way, weather it’s right or wrong, it’s her mind not ours,, and we should stop JUDGING others and start trying to stand by them and know that each one of us will react differently and have his own way of survival.( just came into my mind that woman who’s mind created 92 personalities for her- something known as the dissociative identity disorder –in which the human brain adapt to a major trauma by creating all these personalities to be able to live, and in the woman’s case it was the fact that she was raped when she was only 2 years old and none of the personalities was aware of the others ! )

Salma is a case that I see literally everyday “what I do is never enough “ no matter how beautiful, talented, well-accomplished a girl is; she’s still not complete without a man, just like we have returned all the way to the middle ages, our people have no mercy, no respect and most of all they don’t know what’s the meaning of the word “Privacy “ , there minds just can’t comprehend that someone they know have right to do ,act and live without being questioned or have always suggestion and solution thrown right into his face without even asking.

People always use the ethical way to blame and think, always judging people for their sins as if they were saints and priests. It’s just the right time for us to step up to empower women, and children as well, teach them how to defend their bodied and rights , to learn how to listen and how to read sings.

Fadi zaghmout did an amazing job, not only as a writer, for many people can write, but only few have the courage to shed a light on things that we don’t want to confront and confess, I salute him for being able to think like us, which gave his novel a great credibility, also the fact that he shares the same age category with his characters made the novel more honest and real, I guess the next challenge for him is write a novel about children,their rights, and how their innocent souls feel and react in various horrific and miserable situations (I’ll leave this to your creative imagination).

Amazing novel and just waiting for his upcoming book.

Rana: “A new woman was born inside me”

This is my first blog post and I am dedicating it to celebrate the “New woman born inside me” as what Rana said in Fadi Zaghmout’s novel “3aroos 3amman” that I planned to finish reading  today in the date of his book signing ceremony in Amman, as a thank you gift for bringing out this “new woman” or let’s say “new women” out to life, women who are with no fear to express themselves to the public.

While I was reading the novel I felt all of the feelings that a woman can feel, I don’t know how Fadi as a man could be that close to women’s emotions and thoughts, but seems that men can understand us but they can’t always stand for us which is something that we really need to change.

If I have to talk about his writing style I have to admit that I enjoyed how he moved from a story to another with this ease, the words were unique and very touching, I loved mixing between languages and slang,  his novel represented a real life that we live in Amman that most of us deny because we care more about “our image” and it highlighted important social and sexual issues that we need to highlight in Amman and in the Arab countries in general that makes me feel that I just want to say “Bravo!”.

In my journey with these unique characters, I felt that the scenario is so real with its ups and downs, it took me into certain level of internal conflict, sometimes I refused and thought “What the hell is the author trying to say? is he encouraging what we all consider as wrong?”, then I find myself standing by his side and thinking that we are all human beings, everyone of us has his own weak point and we all make mistakes, why should we hide our real emotions and thoughts and act as perfectionists? well, we all should accept the fact that these people who make mistakes in our eyes are human beings at the end; and Fadi was great in expressing this human side of them and the conflict we go through in our real life.

I, as a reader who enjoyed living 8 chapters of the novel with different real people who became my friends at the end, decided to ask them to choose the color that most describes them, and asked them to write down their word to Fadi as a thank you:

Laila (Pink)

I choose pink color because it represents the lady inside me, this color is the color that our community draws to our feminine side, I am a real woman who has thirst for success, and I really did succeed, I am a woman who has her own recognition in the community now, not because I got married but because I could stand for women and let them speak out.

Fadi, you expressed me well, you could express how a woman feels under our community pressure. and how it only makes us stronger to be recognized, Thank you!

Salma (White)

White is my wedding dress color, I really feel that I am Aroos Amman, I became Aroos Amman for the sake of our society. I will not tell a lot about myself not to ruin the story but I loved that you let people know that I have a good sense of humor

I want to tell Hayat that I don’t feel jealous because she took the book cover because Fadi already gave me the strongest part in the novel.

Hayat (Colorful)

I know that many people will choose the black color for me, because many may think that my life was black but I will not choose it, my life taught me to take my own decisions, my earlier life was pale! with no color, and I choose to make it colorful, I can’t decide on specific color because I feel that all of the rainbow colors are mine, I enjoyed life with all of its ups and downs, I have real good friends like you Fadi who support and shout out for me.

Thank you for choosing my words to be put on the cover!

Ali (Dark Blue)

I choose blue because I want to tell the world that I am a true man, since our culture chooses blue for males, then my color should be blue, I make mistakes as we all do, but I still have my human side, and would love to be accepted in my community, because they chose the dark side of the color for me not I, they let me act in dark, but I will be waiting for the day when my color gets brighter and you all see me in my real color which is light blue.

Fadi, Thank you for letting people see my bright side, you expressed me well and people understand me more now, my color is getting brighter.

Rana (Red)

Red is the color of the novel cover, I chose it because it represents my courage in expressing my feelings that you communicated to readers of your novel, I am different as Janti told me, and I want to be accepted even though I am different, I was dragged into forbidden love, that our culture decided it to be forbidden, but who is without sin? I wish to see that man again who stood for me and said “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first”.

I am a human and we all make mistakes, please people accept that I can’t fix a mistake with another one!

Me (White)

I actually still can’t choose one color to represent me, because I think that all colors have their own magic and meaning, and I am a mix of all of the characters in your novel and that was the real strength behind your novel it was so real, so I was thinking that the best color that describes me is white, since it comes out of mixing all of the colors together.

I would say thank you Fadi for expressing  my feelings and thoughts as a woman in our Arab culture, I would say thank you for shouting out for us, I would say thank you for letting me enjoy this novel, I would say thank you for letting other people see the truth as it is and not as what the culture wants us to see, I would say thank you because now I have the courage to start activating my blog!